Oh, listen, you maidens,
And hearken to me
And don't you drive down
The M33!

For many young policemen
And RAC men
Who went down that road
Were not seen again!

The signs are so tempting
Saying: " Turn off ahead ",
But don't you obey them
Or you might end up dead....

One night as I motored
Along the M6
I saw a big signpost:
"Exit Here For The Styx

On The M33,
One mile ahead",
And I wish now I'd driven
Straight home instead.

But inquisitive, I turned off,
Although it was dark,
And found a great river
Running through a great park

And the boatman said, " Hi there!
You coming with me? "
And I said I was looking
For the M33.

"I'll take you," he said,
With a skull-like grin
But I ran to my car
And jumped right in

And drove back again
The way I had come
To the distant sound
Of a funeral drum...

Behind me the terror,
Ahead the light
I drove quite reckless
Through the night!

Till I came back down
The same exit road
And only then
Relaxed and slowed,

When suddenly out
Of the dark, dark night
There came a familiar
Flashing blue light.

‘Hello,’ said the policeman,
‘And what have we here?
Parked on the shoulder?
Oh dear, oh dear...

A little bit drunk, sir?
Or having a snooze?
It's not what I'd call
A good place to choose ...’

So I told him the truth
Of where I'd just been
And he said, ‘I know no-one
Who's seen what you've seen,

For the road that you speak of
Does not exist!
It's all been a dream, sir.
Are you sure you're not pissed?’

Not a drink had I taken
Not a wink had I slept
And I showed him the mileage
I'd carefully kept.

Which proved that I'd driven
Twenty miles more
Than my scheduled journey
Door-to-door!

‘I believe what you say,’
Said the man in blue,
‘But you must tell no-one
What I now tell you,

For the M33
Is a ghost motorway
Here tomorrow,
And gone today!

No atlas show it,
No gazetteer,
It comes and it goes,
It's usually not there ...'

And I must have dozed off
As he wandered on,
For when I awoke
That policeman had gone!

And I started in horror,
Then turned on the car,
And didn't look back
Till I'd gone very far,

And that's why I say,
Oh, Listen to me,
And ignore all those signposts
Saying, 'M33'!